Saturday, December 27, 2014

"There’s nothing to be “fixed” about you; people cannot be broken, fractured, shattered. You are not a puzzle to fit back together, as a whole or as a single person. You’ve probably accepted this already, but please look at yourself right now as best you can and realize that you don’t have to be perfect to be normal. Ten years from now, your system will go about its daily life, enjoy sitting in the sun or making coffee in the morning. Whichever book whoever’s fronting decided to pick up with be open, spilling sunlight and words across your fingers and you’ll be okay. In the end all this fighting with yourself about being “whole” or “one” won’t matter; you’ll find a way. I promise."

Friday, October 31, 2014

happy halloween!

Black knitted swear
Black high-low skirt w crosses (Forever 21)
Star-fishnet tights (Claire's)
Black boots
Black roses flower crown

Thursday, August 28, 2014

back to school | outfits | days 1-4

White tank top w lace
Gray lace cardigan (Zenana Outfitters)
Perfect Stretch Jeggings (Abercrombie & Fitch)
 Skull shoes (that look like TOMS but they aren't??)
Superman Watch (mall)

White tank top
Denim tribal print button up (Life in Progress)
Black jeans, rolled up
Black Vans
Superman watch

The Fault in Our Stars "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities" tank top (Hot topic)
Tribal print leggings (Charlotte Russe)
Mint green cardigan?? (Shasa)
Black Vans

Gray top (SO)
Blue jacket (Aeropostle)
Ankle denim leggings (Mossimo Supply Co)
Black Vans

Monday, July 7, 2014

“There will come a time when you want to cut off all your hair. Do it. Realize that the thing you want rid of doesn’t lie in the long curls that frame your face so perfectly. Live with short hair for a while. It’ll grow.

You won’t always want to talk to people. That’s okay. When it’s late and you hear your friends talking in the next room, you don’t have to join them. You’re allowed your solitude. It makes company sweeter and it teaches you how to survive alone. You will need that skill.

In the winter, you’ll believe that nothing will ever grow again. You’re wrong. Every year, London looks like it’s on its last legs, wheezing through those last cold days in March. Every year, spring comes like an explosion and the city shakes off its sleep.

Mundane problems will get the better of you sometimes. Don’t worry. Try as you might, life cannot be an endless, beautiful, intense moment. Find comfort in money worries and late trains; they’re a welcome rest in between heartbreaks and breakdowns.

People will call you a cynic, a wry smile on their faces. Pay them no mind. You alone know that you are capable of a love greater than anything they can comprehend. You alone know that you are not willing to sell your identity and respect to the first smirking halfwit to pass by. It is not cynicism. It is reverence for your own vast and fathomless heart, and it makes sense only to love someone who understands that and is awed by it.

You will not always get what you want when you want it. Accept it. Your goals are not set in stone and you are not on a fixed trajectory. Sometimes, life will take its time and you will have to play the long, interminable game. Play it well and with as much grace as you can muster. Live at your own pace.

At night, you will occasionally wake up afraid, wanting to die. Don’t give in. Night plays its tricks, but you are not so easily fooled. Your mind will play its tricks, too. It will make you believe that you’re not who you are, but you must not give in. You take a breath and you tell yourself that you are here. That you always were.”

Friday, June 27, 2014

"1. Don’t shut down. You have to feel pain because once you turn it off, you can’t get it back. And then you’re left prying open your veins and breaking your bones, drowning in vodka, choking on pills, bleeding out, swallowing cigarettes, fucking boys who rip your heart out of your chest and slam it against the wall and then smile at you like you’re the prettiest thing in the room. It turns out that feeling nothing feels worse than anything else.

2. Cut him out of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times he called you beautiful and told you he loved you. I know he was a sweet guy but he’s not the same person anymore. He hurt you. He doesn’t deserve to occupy a thought in your head let alone drown you in your own tears. I know you loved him. Maybe you always will. But if you want to stay alive, you’ve got to let him go. Delete your old texts with him because baby I swear to god you will read over all the “I love you’s” and “baby girl’s” and you will crack your ribs with them.

3. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay slide down a wall in tears at three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room up to your waist, do it. It doesn’t make you weak. You could never be weak. You’re alive and that’s the hardest thing to be. I’m so proud of you. Always.

4. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. When you’re at a party and you’re sitting next to a boy who’s words are dripping with cheap alcohol and he’s grabbing your thigh and spitting liquor down your neck in sloppy kisses, push him off you. You don’t owe him anything. You’re not being mean or hurting his feelings. If you’re not okay, leave.

5. Don’t hurt yourself. If you think you feel shitty now, imagine how terrible you’re going to feel when you accidentally cut too deep and you feel your life spilling out of your wrists. I know you want to get rid of him and the heartbreak he left behind. I know you want to get rid of the numbness and the headaches and the shaky hands. I know you want to get rid of the pain. But when you’re lighting your skin on fire or tearing into your veins, you’ve got pain spilling out of your bones. But you’re dripping everything good too. You’ve got a tangle of outer space inside of you and you can’t lose the darkness between the stars without losing the stars too.

6. Save yourself first. I know you’re in love with a pretty boy who writes you poetry and slits your wrists. I know he falls asleep crying. But so do you. I know he’s your world. I know you’re in love. But you can’t be up at four in the morning talking him out of suicide when you’ve got six tests the next day. You can’t stop him from ripping his heart out when you’re still trying to figure out how to get yours beating again. You can’t save him. You’ve just got to love him with all you’ve got. You have to love yourself too.

7. Terminate toxic relationships. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You need to be self-preserving for once in your fucking life. When your best friend kisses the boy you would die for, stop sleeping on her floor when she calls you crying because she got her heart broken by a boy who’s name she couldn’t remember. When your father kicks you out of the house and tells you he wants you gone, stay gone. When your boyfriend comments on how much you’ve been eating and makes you feel guilty for feeling the world, delete his number. You don’t need people dragging you down. You don’t need anybody poising you. You’ve got enough pain already.

8. It gets better. I know right now you’re on the verge of killing yourself. You’re on the edge and you’re waiting for the fall. But there’s nothing good at the bottom, just a lot of broken bones and blood and sore throats. I know how much you want to die and I know how hard it is to stay but you have to. Because one day you’re going to wake up smiling. You’re going to fall in love and your heart will stay whole. You’re going to travel and swim in the ocean and you’re not going to pray that you drown. You’re going to go for a drive in the middle of the night and feel free instead of hoping you crash. You’re going to be alright.”

Friday, May 9, 2014

"1. lay on the floor of your shower until you can breathe again. 
water will always love to love your skin.

2. start writing w the intention of filling up one page. 
write until your pen stops working.

3. re-read a book that once made you cry. learn something new on every page. 
notice how different chapters make you sad. notice how the book didn't change and grow; you did.

4. sleep w your windows open. you can hear both the rain and boys drunkenly singing Frank Sinatra on their deck. both are equally good.

5. don't forget that honey will always taste sweet, 
but the best way to eat it is off your fingers, laughing.

6. remember that, sometimes, getting out of bed is enough."

Monday, March 24, 2014

"1) Stop falling in love with the boy next to you in class that gives you attention. I know he has captivating eyes and a smile full of potential and hair made of the sun, but it won’t be worth it in the end. You’ll thank yourself later.

2) Do not try to listen to happy, upbeat music when you are crying and alone late at night. It will only make you feel lonelier. Learn to embrace the sad music and only then should you wipe away your tears.

3) When your heart feels too heavy, tie balloons of good things to it. Count them as you tie the knots and keep counting until they help pick up the barely-beating organ off the ground.

4) During those moments when you see your former best friends in the hallway, do not sneak away. Do not avoid them. Do not ignore them even though they did the same to you. Square your shoulders and fix your million dollar smile on your face. Talk to your new, better friends. Flip your hair over your shoulders. Be confident.

5) When everything disappears in the room except for one person and you can start to feel your lives connect in a second of eye contact that seems to last an eternity, trust your instincts.

6) The day you see a young yet frazzled mother of three giggly children while you sit in your car, get out. Offer to help get her groceries in her car. Return the cart and wave good-bye to the kids fighting over the front seat.

7) Do not hold grudges against those who did you wrong.

8) When someone spills water all over your work, do not get mad. Instead, help them clean up the mess and start it over. Assure them it’s fine and make jokes. This is how you can make a lifelong friend and a good story.

9) Put flowers on random gravestones and tell the souls beneath that they are loved, if only for a moment.”
"Balance is hard. I’m learning to stop pleasing others but to ultimately please God. I’ve learned that pleasing others was toxic to me, I was constantly worried about whether or not I’m making this person happy or not, or if my actions are good enough for them. It’s detrimental to my mental health and I done letting it consume my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love making others happy and I will continue to try to every chance I get, however, if it’s making me unhappy or uncomfortable I will stop. I don’t want to please others by the way I live, I want to please Christ. Nothing will ever be good enough for humans, they will judge, bring you down, and it’s all for their own good. I’ve accepted that. But the Father knows my heart and my intentions and loves me unconditionally. He is so full of grace that he looks last my mistakes unlike fellow human beings. I think I’ve made my point here. So don’t message me on anon assuming things or saying that what I did made you “sad”. My life is my life, your life is yours. Don’t depend on me for your feelings.Live your life, and I will gladly live mine. Lastly, ask yourself if what you’re saying is building others up, because your words to me certainly did not; and that, my friend, makes ME sad."
“Another year is fast approaching.
Go be that starving artist you’re afraid to be.
Open up that journal and get poetic finally.
Suck it up and travel.
You were not born here to work and pay taxes.
You were put here to be part of a vast organism to explore and create.
Stop putting it off.
The world has much more to offer than what’s on 15 televisions at TGI Fridays.
Take pictures.
Scare people.
Shake up the scene.
Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Thursday, February 6, 2014

"1. Make sure you own a nice bed.

2. Sleep in it frequently.

3. Remember how nice it feels to flip over your pillow to the cooler side.

4. Check your pulse and hum along to the rhythm because it is music.

5. Write clear and make a lot of spelling errors. Get the poison out and 
don’t worry about it being neat.

6. If you can, do not shut people out. You will have good days and they should see them.

7. If you feel overwhelmed, go outside and scream. Find a nice empty park in the middle of the night and scream as loud as you can until your throat is bleeding. The world wants to hear you.

8. Let yourself fall in love. Believe it or not, there are people out there 
who want your blacks and blues.

9. Keep waking up.

10. Keep waking up.

11. Keep waking up. Maybe with someone next to you."
“1. there is going to be a day or two or three where nothing goes right and it seems like everyone is against you, do not forget that you can crawl in bed and take a break from the world for a little while, tomorrow will be better and you will be okay.

2. there is going to be a boy who tells you that you are the moon and who will make your heart race every time his skin touches yours, do not forget that you are not his, if he kisses you and makes you cry, you are allowed to run away. people come and go and you will be okay.

3. there is going to be a girl with wolf teeth who rips out your heart and cuts at your throat, you will love her because she is everything you are not and you will hate her because she is everything you could be, do not forget that her bones are made of stardust like yours, everyone is a little lost and you will be okay.

4. green should be the color of plants and not people, do not envy the girl with dead eyes and flushed cheeks who sleeps in the beds of boys you dream of, she is a small human just like you and she gets lonely and angry and afraid sometimes too.

5. cocaine makes you sad so that you lust to do more, love does that too. do not play with matches if you are standing in dry grass. do not fall in love if you are not ready.”

Saturday, February 1, 2014

"Stop it. You are not worthless or hopeless or helpless. There is nothing less about you. There is nothing lacking within you. You are a poem made out of matches that haven’t been burned yet. You’re not an abandoned building or the Christmas jumpers that you knitted last year that no one, not even your grandparents wanted to wear. It always starts quietly, it always starts with a whisper and you’ll spend the first few years of your teenage life thinking that nothing loud is going to happen to you, that your insides are the kind of quiet that look like a hospital room after someone died, stop. Think fuse, think burning candle, think a wave that starts at the horizon and breaks the sea."